We all have those moments where we feel life gets more and more twisted in little complicated moments between work and people that grow into an overwhelming mess of stress. Sometimes, I have looked back and thought, “How did I get here?” or “How did things become this way?”
With life moving so fast, jolting us with unexpected twists and turns of events, no wonder we get so overwhelmed and stressed feeling trapped in our own lives. I know I have felt myself on many occasions that I was trapped in some kind of mess or prison that didn’t really exist. Little did I know then, I was keeping myself trapped in a prison of my own making.
What kind of prisons do we keep ourselves trapped in without realizing it sometimes? Is it fear of being honest with your family, friend, or love? Is it dreams we obsess over each day thinking of nothing else, resulting in the life we are missing around us we can no longer see because of our tunnel vision of desires? Is it because we are living a life we want, or we think someone else wants for us, like your parents, family, friends, lover, or even yourself, who has become too afraid to go after the life you truly want? Maybe it’s a prison of emotional torment by holding on to some painful secret or moment in your past that tore you down in grief and despair, too afraid to let it go and move on because you fear it might happen again, so you are trapped in feeling that way each day?
No matter the prison you might feel trapped in, there is always a key to let go and free your soul, so you can live your life in freedom and happiness again. Finding that key, can be tricky. Luckily, I have a dear friend Lorna, who said to me once, “Be kind to that child inside of us, and not let the life suck the spirit out of us. That inner child is the key to your soul.” Those are wise words from my dear friend I have the privilege of seeing often. She reminded me that I had been so focused on my own prison of moving on from my past and forward with my job and school that I had been forgetting to have fun and enjoy life, while I have chosen to study and work it all away. Now, just to be clear, I am not saying to abandon all work and responsibilities and just play your days away. I am saying, I was reminded that the inner child in me, needs to have fun at times too and there should be balance in my life between my responsibilities in life, and enjoying my life. I realized I had kept myself so focused on paying bills, doing well at work, and obsessing over graduate school, that I hadn’t given myself the relaxing fun I needed, until now. No wonder I was feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated in my life. Well, after realizing how narrow my focus had become in life, how confined I let myself become, I thought, “Well, how can I fix this?”
When I discovered this realization, I realized over the course of 9 months that I have changed so much, I am actually unsure what I think of as fun anymore. I use to love singing, dancing, and preforming, but that is something I haven’t done in over a decade. I also use to love being adventurous and outdoors, but now I get so tired just thinking about hiking on top of everything else I have to do in a day. I do enjoy movies, but even my taste in movies has begun to change, So, I learned I have to focus on myself for once because I have spent too many years focusing on everyone and everything else rather than my own happiness. But where to start?
Another reference from my good friend Lorna when offering me kind advice was, “There’s a whole world inside of us to discover when we allow ourselves to do it.” I love that thought. A whole world inside us. As human beings, we have so much within us, why not strive to discover it? Our emotions range from happy to sad, up and down, likes and dislikes all vary along with beliefs and thoughts, and feelings, and personal ways of thinking, which it’s all really exciting to discover when you really stop and think about it. So, how to get myself out of this serious-minded prison I had been keeping myself locked in focusing only on work and school, while I was missing out on so much life? I discovered for myself, by finding peaceful places, soul-searching alone while writing my thoughts and feelings in a journal, and being honest with my true, real feelings no matter what people thought of them, that’s when I began feeling free from that angry or frustrated prison I was keeping myself in.
I also think the answer might be with Herman Raucher. He said, “Life is made up of many comings and goings, and for everything that we take with us, we must leave something behind.” I guess that’s part of the growing up process right? Learning the things you have to let go and move on from, while keeping certain things that bring you joy and adjust them into your new life. Easier said than done for sure, but I realized I was still holding on to too many things in my present life focused on my future, that I had been ignoring who I was from my past. My love of fun, singing, movies, family, traveling, parks, and lazy summer afternoons all disappeared in my life. My problem was I left too much behind, when I should have balanced my time and energy better. Since I started thinking about my idea of fun, I began feeling desires to read again, play piano again, go out to the parks, and even sing again, which has given me a deep rooted feeling of peace and joy now that I have begun picking up old hobbies again and enjoying little moments in my day again as I begin to restore balance in my life.
Dr. Seuss once said, “Step with care and great tact, and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act.” I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I feel that I have a lot of balance I need to learn to bring into my life to free me from my own prison. After all, the brilliant mind of Albert Einstein once said, “Everyone sits in the prison of his own ideas; he must burst it open.” As I strive to open my own prison and bring balance back into my life, I wonder what the world would be like if everyone strived to free themselves for a moment from whatever prison they feel they are stuck in and see the beautiful and exciting world around them. What would the world be like then? If we were all truly free from anger, grief, isolation, negative or forceful opinions of others, and selfish behaviors and desires that hurt others, then think how the world could be more peaceful, loving, accepting, and all around, good. Maybe the prisons we keep ourselves in is the real downfall we have doomed ourselves with? I guess that’s why it’s more important than ever to focus on freeing ourselves, and improving ourselves on a personal level to really bring joy and happiness in our very own world.
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