Why are we so afraid to look behind the curtain? Sometimes facing the truth about ourselves is harder than facing the truth about others or other circumstances. While no one likes to admit their flaws or if they might possibly be wrong about something, I see often in my own life and in others around me, people being afraid to face certain truths about themselves. One thing I have noticed in my life is when it comes to personal things or experiences, I would rather close the door than admit maybe I handled that poorly. There are also times in my life when I won’t admit things happened because it hurt me too much and I would rather just forget about it. But pretending problems don’t exist only makes the problem become worse in the long-term. This is something I have come to witness in my life recently.
I have a good friend who doesn’t usually like people who are not like her, or do not have the same standards as her. This is something I have struggled to understand because each life is so very different. People think differently, experience things differently, and even feel things differently. So, why are differences so scary and hard for my friend to accept? I know it’s not only her. Lots of people I have noticed are this way. One day I finally asked why she felt that way about a different friend of mine. The answer was so simple it shocked me. “Because, he is not a nice person Laura.” I kept pressing, asking why she felt that way and answers like his ego, peacocking, swearing, drinking, all those kinds of things came up and as I’m listening to this I suddenly realize a simple truth. She doesn’t understand him, or where he comes from, or what he has been through. I personally can’t believe those things make someone “bad.” Different than her maybe, an exercise in patience sometimes maybe, but I know this person well who has a generous heart, dreams of love, and is always the first person to volunteer when someone asks for help without hesitation or complaint. Please, correct me if I am wrong, but I see a simple misunderstanding in different lifestyles. I am struggling to see the bad.
However, in my own life, I have noticed that I am afraid of venturing out of my comfort zone. For example, I like the security of my home, my hobbies, my routine. I was invited on a hike this past weekend, and while I do have a deep love and passion for the beauty of the outdoors, I admit I have little experience in them. So, last week I agreed to go for the sake of my hiking partner. To be honest, I was not really looking forward to it and already wanting it to be over. I get about 10 minutes in the hike and I noticed I started getting nervous. I started asking myself questions like, are their bears? Am I safe? Why is my heart racing like I am going to have a heart attack? I was thinking how embarrassed I was being so out of shape and tired so soon into the hike. I remember thinking, wow this is really high up, I hope I don’t fall! Suddenly, I realize all I want to do is turn around and go home. I decide to press on for the sake of my hiking partner and a few minutes later I realize that the hike is not what is bad, my attitude was. This is not something I am used to, or know much about. I realized I made a judgment that the hiking trip would not be pleasant because of reasons like it’s hot, I’m tired after a long week, there are wild animals, it’s high up, I’m getting sore, and my constant thought- I’d rather be at home.
So, why did I not like the hike? Because I did the same thing as my friend! I judged it would be that way with those “excuses” or “reasons” to prove myself right when I was very wrong. My point? I had to stop judging how I was feeling in my own head and stop to look at the world around me. Once I did that, I noticed how beautiful the view was, how fresh the air was, how great it felt to have my blood pumping and do something out of the ordinary. After I stopped judging things according to my own standards, I began to see so much beauty and have a really good time, I even want to go again.
I had to pull back my own curtain of self-denial and realize that I have more power to control my perspective, mood, and attitude than I thought I did. I can choose to focus on the good and beauty in the world and people around me simply by accepting the truth about myself and my flaws. I have the power to stop casting judgments for my own security and comfort zone to explore the new adventures and people this world has to offer. Instead of letting my fears, my attitude, my mood control me, I had to learn to control my perspective. Life doesn’t control me, I control me. That is the difference. Rather than focusing on the things I’m not comfortable with and reject them, I can focus on the things that are new, different, beautiful, unique, maybe find common ground with things or people I couldn’t before, and who knows where the path these new perspectives can lead me in life!
Think of all the exciting possibilities and new friends that could be made! Can you imagine what the world would be like if we stopped letting our limited perspectives and personal circumstances control us? What would happen if we would all take control and choose to see the best in everything and everyone around, rather than the negatives we don’t like or understand? What would happen if everyone took responsibility for their own lives and their own flaws, and strived to make the best of themselves? What would happen if we all stopped making excuses as to why we live like we do, or why we are in a bad mood? I can’t help but think that acceptance of ourselves might just be the real key to genuine happiness. Life doesn’t control us, does it? Or, do we control our lives?
I understand this can be a scary concept. Accepting the truth about yourself and striving to overcome any flaws is not easy, and people can be deeply afraid or in denial about many flaws they might have. So, why are we afraid to accept these truths about ourselves and pull back our curtain? Is it pride, and if so, why is it so scary or hard to admit we are not perfect?
Helen Keller once said, “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” While matters of the heart are often seen as a weakness out of ignorance, I see it as a strength. Has anyone ever experienced anything like that? How do the best things in life make us feel? Our attitude, our feelings, they are inside us and beautiful. Those emotions, or feelings, what some people would call our soul, I have learned they are the essence of what makes us all different and is created through our individual experiences and feelings deep inside us. Sometimes, these feelings can be scary for many reasons, other times these feelings can be healing. So, maybe what we are afraid of is that we are missing out on something? Is it because we want to understand different perspectives but we can’t seem to figure out how, and in our own pride we reject them? Perhaps it’s just human nature in ignorance that makes us all cast judgment so quickly at times about things or people?
Anthony Hopkins has a quote I love. He stated, “We’re all caught up in circumstances, and we’re all good and evil. When you’re really hungry, for instance, you’ll do anything to survive. I think the most evil thing-well, maybe that’s too strong-but certainly a very evil thing is the judgment, the sin of ignorance.” What an amazing perspective this is! I can’t help but look back through my life now and wonder what amazing experiences have I missed out on because I was too afraid to step out of my comfort zone? What have I missed out on in life because I cast judgment based on only my personal life experiences?
Imagine if we all stood together despite our differences and took responsibility for our own personal lives and flaws rather than judge the lives or situations of others. Imagine what a world that would be! It’s amazing to see the joy in the differences of our opinions and lives! And look at the time and energy wasted on arguing about them. These differences, they are beautiful and casting pride and judgment aside, they can blend together to create a beautiful work of living art! The unnecessary quick judgments are what has been ugly causing tension and controversy, controlling too many of us. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I want to see a world of kindness and beauty, which is out there. I have been too focused on things I’m afraid of and kept myself in the dark of for too long. So, now it’s time for me to step in the light and free myself from the burden of judgments that honestly don’t matter, and rise above it into a world of new experiences, cultures, and adventures waiting for me. Now, I will control my life, rather than let life control me. I think I will start with a new hiking trail and see what memories, friends, or adventures are waiting for me there. Where will you start?
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