Why are people so nice to others, their spouses, kids, jobs, and other demands, but they’re not kind to themselves? Don’t you deserve kindness too? I think so. That’s why I am writing this. Too often I watch people neglect themselves and when I ask why, they are too busy or feel too guilty spending an afternoon on themselves or doting on themselves. Again, I ask why? You are a person. You work hard. You deserve to smile and be happy like anyone else. But the cost of another’s happiness should never be your own.

Yes, bills, children, spouses, and jobs are all important aspects in life. But the most important aspect of your life is YOU. How can you maintain the demands effectively if you can’t maintain yourself? That is why I challenge you to hit the pause button. Find a babysitter, take a personal day, and tell your spouse you need a little me time. Do what you need to take a much-needed breath. There is no shame in it. In fact, by doing so, you are increasing your happiness, lowering your stress, and making yourself more effective and able to answer your demands. Did you ever think of that?

You love your family, and that’s awesome. It’s a beautiful thing. But neglecting yourself is neglecting them indirectly. Do you want to give the tired, stressed, overworked version of yourself? I doubt it. You do your best, but you’re human and need rest and joy too.

You matter. You! It’s so easy to get lost when you are pulled in a million directions. I get it. I have been known to get so deep and lost in work that I forget to live and do something fun, too. But this work culture of putting our health and happiness aside needs to come to an end.

Learning to balance the pressures of life can be hard, but very worth it in the long run. I challenge each of you to take a pause today or sometime this week. Do something that makes you smile. A walk, perhaps? A nice, long bubble bath? Going out for drinks with a friend? A movie? A dinner? A nap? Anything that makes you feel calm and relaxed can help boost your health. Just remember, you matter too. So, be kind to yourself and treat yourself well.

I have spent a great deal of time since the pandemic trying to survive with the rest of the world. Trying to figure out my place in this ever-changing world feels as easy as winning a fistfight with a bear. However, that is not true. We already have a place. What I have learned is, it’s our simple, everyday choices that decide if that place will stay the same, or change and in what manner. 

Self-doubt is one of the greatest villains we will ever face as a human race. Our entire world has been set up to cause doubt in ourselves when we see others doing or getting what we want, especially when we are not ready to receive it yet. People have trained their minds that they can’t do something and it’s better to not try than to fail. To that, I will say wake up! That is a lie you are telling yourself. People often put others down they don’t want to succeed to make them look better. Don’t believe me? Watch politics, social media, or any show or movie and you will see what I mean. Jealousy or a pang of hunger for some kind of power drives people to cause doubt in ourselves and others. The good news is you can overcome this. You deserve to be honored. You deserve to have your dreams. 

My students often tell me they are scared to answer because “what if I get it wrong?” they say. If I had a dollar for every time I heard this question, I could retire and live a wealthy life. I always respond in the same way. I take a deep breath and ask, how can you expect to learn if you don’t know what doesn’t work? I continue to explain how did they learn to walk without concentrating on it every second? Practice. They had to fall, many times and learn to take a step or two before learning to walk, and eventually ran. Eventually, we had to learn to trust ourselves and our balance in order to walk successfully. Learning balance is part of walking and each time we failed we learned from it. I truly believe failing is the best form of learning. Learning what doesn’t work will always lead you to the path of what will work. Self-doubt is causing you to think you are not enough, that you are wrong, and that is the saddest loss of all. 

Inside each one of us, we have a strong desire for something. It could be anything from a toy, a feeling, or a dream. For some, it’s family. Others may dream of the perfect house, car, or spouse. However, that self-doubt often holds us back as we watch from a distance. We are too scared or fearful to “sound stupid” as some expressed to me, or the dreaded word “fail.” The best moment I see during these kinds of moments is when I ask the kid why can’t you have that item or meet that perfect person? “I don’t know” or “sometimes they just won’t like me” is another common answer I get. So now I ask you, if that were true, then would that really make you happy? Self-doubt has been controlling the masses for longer than we imagine. 

This leaves the answer to overcoming these doubts within ourselves. Nothing will change if we don’t create change. With every failure comes success. Every rejection either personally or professionally will show you a better path if you have the courage to take it. Trust your inner warrior who is screaming to come out. Trusting yourself will also help you to discover yourself. Your inner warrior will show you the way and help you deal with the chaos of life. The inner warrior in us all stands at the ready if only we are brave enough to stand and embrace them. 

Roy T. Bennett once said, “The more you believe in yourself, the more you could trust yourself. The more you trust yourself, the less you compare yourself to others.” These words are powerful and in my experience, true. Think for a moment about what is holding you back at this moment. Were the thoughts positive, or negative? If you are thinking negatively then change it. That is the first step to true change. Yes, it takes time and practice, but cutting out that doubt and negative talk can make a huge difference in not only how we see ourselves, but how we see the world around us too. It does not change overnight, but with a series of daily actions in re-directing your thoughts, with time you will see a difference.

This week, I hope each one of you finds your inner warrior. Like a lighthouse shining through your soul. Stand tall and let that warrior fight that self-doubt and stop that negative thinking. I truly believe if you try, you will see results. They may be small at first. Like recognizing a kind word or compliment, or seeing your inner self for the first time. Let it grow and enjoy the process of meeting yourself. After all, this life only happens once. Rise up and trust your heart. Life is worth it. 

So, how do we fix it? How do we come out of the shadow of the COVID world and into the world we all know and love? I think the first step is to remember the wise words that have been passed down for centuries that says, “the only thing constant is change.” No matter how hard we try, we do grow up, change, have experiences that turn our perspectives or break our hearts that lead us to either a dark hole of depression or a journey to find ourselves time and time again leading forward in life. The beautiful part is you are in control! It’s easy to blame the world around you, but ultimately, it’s up to you to live your life and chose how to handle the world around you. COVID is part of our past, and it is still part of our present, and most likely will be part of our future, but the good news is there is more to life than living in the fear of COVID.

Despite the loved ones lost from the virus, the financial stress it brought with it we are still dealing with today, and the political madness the world has succumbed to, one amazing thing that came from this pandemic was being able to spend quality time with those I live with. So many loving memories were made, and I loved being back in touch with the things that made me smile the most. Since I have been back in the workforce the last year, I miss that part of myself where I had time in my day to spend with those most important to me, smiling, laughing, and making memories. Work has been harder and more stressful due to the pandemic and has forced unpaid overtime daily, and even on my days off to the point where I felt lost again.

Life is a slippery slope I have learned where every time I feel good or OK, I just slip back due to things beyond my control, such as COVID, financial stress from political reasons, and even a loss of friends or family who has not survived. You would think that the more we slip the easier it is to get up, but I am not sure that is entirely true. Now, I wonder if the real test is not giving up. Yes, we know hard times are ahead as we try to heal our world from this illness. Yes, we know that emotions are high from so many people struggling with depression, anxiety, stress disorders, and even emotional disorders causing people to feel extra defensive or angry without realizing it. In this world of crazy, I feel the world has become so loud. So many sirens, people yelling, fighting, stressing, insulting, arguing, and so forth over what exactly? There are a thousand things we all wish we can change, but why take it out on each other, distracted by the arguing and losing sight of how to truly heal the issues or breach? Yes, I know we all have different ideas on how to heal our land of the free. But, don’t you think it’s important to remember, and amazing to realize that we are all wanting the same thing? We all want peace, freedom, income to live steady on, time with our loved ones, and no one wants to be taken for granted or disrespected or judged because of your job or race. We all have love in our hearts, as cheesy as that sounds, if you really stop and think about it, you might be surprised. We might not love each other, which is a shame, but there are people I hope you love somewhere in your past, present, or future. We all want the best, so maybe the real way to heal our world is to take a pause on noise. Hit mute. Take a deep breath and remember, we all have loved ones, and live in this COVID world in common, so let’s get through it together.

I think it’s amazing we all care enough about our world to argue about it. Have you ever thought about it that way? When children argue, we tell them nothing is solved by arguing and to show respect for others. Yet, every day, they see the adults in the news or around them argue, riot, and fight, so what else are they going to learn? That is why I encourage everyone to take a deep breath and think of 5 wonderful things in their life right now. Think about those and try to share one with someone. You may be surprised to learn it might brighten their day, or help them through what they are experiencing.

With so much negative in the world, let’s all work together to put more positive in it. A friendly smile, a kind word, an extra ‘thank you’ or ‘you’re welcome’ might help. What harm can it do? How are you going to make a positive effect on someone today? Think on that, and maybe, together, we can start a wave of change in the world for the better.

            In retrospect, I realized I have been fighting this past year against life and what was lost instead of seeing the best side of life, what I still have, and working with it. I know it’s easy to fall into that dark trap of despair. A circle of doubt and helplessness until we only see fog in our path making us trapped. No future, no present, just the past like a stubborn shadow clinging to your side. And then what? How can anyone move forward from that? Why would anyone move from there if that was all they see around them? No wonder we all get stuck and lost sometimes.

            It is harder to see the good when we feel so bad or stressed all the time. I think that is the point though, isn’t it? I mean, we have to work our way up. Work being the keyword. No one is born able to walk or run. It takes a lot of ups and downs before we can walk on our own. I learned life is the same way. Understanding you need help can be the first step to healing or learning to move forward. When we have hard falls or dark experiences, it’s difficult to see a helping hand or understand the need for therapy to see the way. Yet, all the help in the world will not amount to anything if we never learn to climb our way out of the darkness to see that path of light to your future. Anyone can show you a door, but we have to walk through it, and sometimes, together.

            I guess what I am trying to say is we need to start noticing the beautiful things in life and share them, expand them, or enhance them to spread more beauty in this world. After the dark year our beloved planet has been through, don’t you think it’s time to enjoy some of the beauty life has to offer? Families, friends, laughs, accomplishments, moments of peace, nature, beauty, all of which gives us connections. Connections society tries to break down. Connections anger, resentment, negativity, and walls of hurt that block the good and kindness of the world. Can you think of any walls you have that need to come down? Can you think of any happy moments, memories, or ways to start taking down the walls brick-by-brick? It doesn’t have to be something extreme or intense. It could be something as simple as a loving puppy at your side, a walk in the woods, or a beautiful sunset lighting up the windows. It might be a friendly smile, a random text asking about your day from a friend, or you sending out the smiles or texts to another. Life is full of those beautiful small things, and when we follow them and encourage them, they will lead to paths full of connections with joy and beauty around you making the positive light free to soar.

            It’s been a crazy year for us all, hasn’t it? So, let’s change that and make this new season a brighter one. Now is the time to start working our way out of this foggy year and start connecting to see the beauty and love all around us letting it grow and bloom. Who knows what could come of it? A new friend, perhaps? A new chapter? Or hopefully, a new and better beginning, which leads to a life of love, beauty, and happiness.

During my time in isolation, I have had a lot of time to think. I have thought about my past, my present situation, and my future. My entire life changed again in an instant last month and I have been trying to come to terms with that ever since. This time in isolation has been good for me in that personal search for answers within myself. My Aunt once taught me to move forward. We go in the direction we are looking for. If I keep looking back and focus on that, then how can I go forward anywhere? Life for many people feels uncertain and questionable in terms of their jobs and future. I hope wherever you are as you read this, that you will find the answers you are looking for. The first step we all need to take is to focus on the things that are important to you. The things that make your life worthwhile.

Oscar Wilde once said, “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” How many people feel that this time in isolation they are only existing? Not truly living? I know I have felt that way at times. That is why I have to remind myself to utilize this time wisely. I can get things done, I can achieve some goals. Maybe I can read a book I have wanted to in a while, or reconnect with an old friend and family member over the phone? There are endless possibilities of what we can accomplish when we have time and our goals to drive us. Life is important and goes so fast in an instant. The trick is to utilize that time life gives to be all we can or want to live up to.

I wish everyone living through this virus in isolation right now to find joy or some peace in this worldly mess. I hope everyone stays healthy and safe and enjoys this extra time with our loved ones, but don’t forget to find joy and time for yourself too. After all, we all need to take a pause for ourselves now and again.

Good luck everyone. Until next time.

With so much uncertainty, I decided to turn to a little research. What was I searching for? To be honest, I wasn’t sure. I knew, however, when I found it I would know it. This ended up being a fun adventure. I tossed through books of quotes and biography’s, read pages upon pages of other perspectives I found across the internet, and I still couldn’t put my finger on what I was looking for. Tonight, however, I finally found it! While I was crawling out of bed from tossing and turning at 3:00 in the morning for a drink of water, I happened to walk by my desk and saw out of the corner of my sleepy eye stashed away on the bottom shelf my old notebooks. I had forgotten they were there and haven’t given them any thought in some time. Curiosity ignited in me like a firework bursting in the sky. Of course, I had to look. I started going through them with pages of my old thoughts, notes, and ideas for other writing projects. I started remembering memories of when I wrote them down, where I was when or what was happening when I thought of these things and couldn’t help but smile as I felt myself begin to fly again. I laughed as I realized, I had my answers all along, and I had forgotten them.

As I laughed at my own irony, I began to wonder how often this happens. How often do we forget a part of who we are or little things that make us feel happy or alive? Life, as we know, can be hard and sometimes feel cruel. But it can also be happy, wonderful, and feel as though you can fly through the clouds on love and dreams. This quizzical combination of emotions sends us all down twisted labyrinths as we get lost in our own lives. I only hope we can all find a way to ignite our spark again when we feel stuck or lost in ourselves. We all have our own path to follow and it is my hope that we can all find the light to help us find our way through the darkness each time it comes calling.

Of course, I have to share at least one quote I found. You all know I love a good quote. So, I will leave you with this thought. An author named Mandy Hale once said, “Sometimes when you lose your way, you find yourself.” This is what I have recently experienced and if you are out there feeling lost or confused about your future, look inside yourself. You may be surprised and happy with what you will find there.

Good night, everyone.  

Bette Midler sings a beautiful song called “The Rose” which took me off guard in my thoughts one night. After a long night of tossing and turning thinking about the big day I had at work in the morning, I turned on my Pandora to listen to something more calming. After a few minutes, the song came on the radio. I have always loved that song and have even sung it in my youth many times. However, it was on this late, dark evening I finally understood the beautiful words and meaning of the song.

When I was younger, I thought it was a song comparing general love to feelings or other types of love or even what love is exactly. In truth, I never gave it much thought. However, listening to the words I realized that the song was about a true love, an unconditional love that supports, helps, inspires, and teaches another to push through life’s obstacles and to overcome, “the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.”

I think my favorite part of the song says, “Just remember, in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed, that with the sun’s love in the spring becomes the rose.”  Notice how it specifically points out, “with the sun’s love” the rose will be able to bloom and grow despite all the feelings and obstacles that little seed has to go through in order to bloom. I love that point! It reminded me of the kind of person I want to be, with an unconditional love for those around me to persevere, give hope, and help bloom into a beautiful flower.

In essence, my beloved Aunt lived this kind of love and life every day. I hope to follow in her footsteps and live each day to the best and be a positive influence on anyone in my life. Can you imagine if we all lived and loved in this way and the kind of place this world can be? I smile at that thought, that kind of world. What do you think? 

My Aunt Nancy never loved us for who she wanted us to be or who she hoped we would become. She always loved us for exactly who we were and saw the best of who we could be long before we saw it in ourselves. I loved that so much about her. No judgment, no conditions, just love. We were always loved and good enough when Aunt Nancy was around. If you needed a pick-me-up or a shoulder to cry on, she was always there without hesitation. She had a gift of always knowing what advice to say when we needed to hear it the most. When I felt lost, she always helped me find myself and my way. I always felt no matter what would happen in my crazy life, at least I had her to keep my head on straight. “The keeper of my sanity” I once called her. How she could endure hours of my teenage or young adult tormented rants I will never know. But her patience, love, and persistence are traits I have always remembered and inspired in me a desire to help others just as she helped me. I once asked her how she endured so many late-night calls or teenage venting to which she replied chuckling, “Well, it wasn’t always easy, but I always believed in you.” Those words still echo in my mind. How she could see things in others was one of her many gifts. Her inspiration and insight into life have been my anchor for many years. I often felt her love was like a lighthouse keeping us safe even at a distance and always there when you needed her.

                In her life, she has left a trail of people she has inspired and touched in her wake. She lived every day for others. Trying to bring light and hope into people’s lives was more than a job for her, it was part of who she was naturally. Whenever I felt sad or something tragic would happen, she would listen, let me cry and then share one of her favorite quotes with me. She shared it so many times I created a sketch of it on my wall two years ago to remember, and if she were here now watching me feel sad at her parting, I can almost hear her say these words by 17^th-century author John Dryden, “I am sore wounded but not slain. I will lay me down and bleed a while, and then rise up to fight again.”

               Aunt Nancy remains a pillar of strength and support despite her parting. Her influence is not stopped by death but thrives in the lives of those who were lucky enough to know her. Her legacy is not over because she lives through the love and advice we share that came from her loving example. To be perfectly honest, the thought of this crazy world without her in it scares me to my core, feeling lost without my anchor, but I know she would want us all to carry on and be strong. There will not be a single day that goes by when I don’t think of her. I will do my best to carry on her legacy in the hopes I can help lift another. I know a large part of the best part of who I am bloomed from her amazing example of selfless, unconditional love she always had in her heart for everyone around. Thank you, Aunt Nancy, for loving me, and loving all of us. You will be sorely missed more than my words can ever say.

Amazingly, when I realized what was happening, I saw they were right. I started to dismiss my negative thoughts and think of things at hand that I love and adore like my family and work. I took the weekend for myself and spent it with the person I love most and putting the stress aside to remind myself of the beautiful side of life. I ended up having one of the best weekends of my life and surprisingly, most relaxing weekend I have had in a while. It’s amazing how much energy we can have when stress fades away isn’t it?

This experience got me thinking about all the time’s people let others negativity break our hearts or bring us down. Too many of us have too much experience with it. Unfortunately, there are many people out there who thrive on stealing others shine because they can’t find any light for themselves, or perhaps they are jealous of the light they wish they can have but don’t strive for. I don’t understand many things in life, but I have come to learn the importance of letting your soul shine and being true to who you are, despite who others want you to be. Sometimes, life’s curve balls can throw us off course and make us forget, but if we can all help each other remember the importance of our “shine” than think of how much happier people can be.

I hope at least one person can learn from my mistake of letting someone else steal my shine. Everyone has different personalities, talents, and humor that can brighten up another’s day. I loved in a movie I saw recently about Charles Dickens, they said, “No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” Something as small as a laugh or smile can often spread if we are willing to share our light with others.  I hope to see how far smiles can spread one day if we were all willing to share more with each other. What do you think?

For me, the year started off more stressful than it ended. At that time, I was involved in a job I felt I was drowning in. I let my job consume me thinking and feeling like it was something I had to do to keep my job or get things done like I was “suppose” to, but in the end they eliminated our department anyway and sent me on a new job search without so much as a “thank you” or “goodbye” from people I considered friends for years. I have to be honest, it hurt and stung deep. Luckily, there was a bright light on the horizon. I thought of a job I could do with excitement and pride and chased it. Over time, I was able to receive it and the job gave me more time to spend with the people I love the most and do the things I love to do the most. It’s funny how life turns out sometimes. The quest to find new beginnings is never easy, but I do feel its worth it if you never give up on your vision of what you want and need your life to be. My grandfather would tell me when I was very young, “if you have a will to do it, you will find the way” and it is a thought that stayed with me throughout my life.

Wherever you are in your life, if it’s trying to find a job, a home, relationship pains, trouble with making ends meet, battling an illness, missing family, or perhaps starting a new family, my advice to you is to hold on to your dreams. Hold them tight and keep pressing on because it’s a lot easier to give up on your dreams and settle, then it is to make your dreams come true. Try to think of what is holding you back from accomplishing your dreams and overcome it. Once you do you will take a step closer to your dream, and with each step, you will one day look down and see just how far you have come.

I wish each and every one of you a wonderful and happy new year full of amazing opportunities for you to chase your dreams and spend time with the people who build you up and love you. With this new year upon us, I am excited to say hello to 2019 and see what awaits us each day that approaches. I hope we can all find our path on this crazy labyrinth of life.