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Recently, I had a long conversation with someone who has been harboring a lot of anxiety over past regrets. Haven’t we all felt that way before? Wishing we made a different choice, or perhaps we regretted how we reacted to something? Yet, listening to this person, I couldn’t help feeling like I wanted to take it away because I know the pain of regret. I know regret is something hard for many people to live with. I myself can look back in my life and think how things might have turned out differently if I only made one choice or reacted better to my situation. The sting of regret can be painful and run deep. However, I can’t help but think, maybe that sting runs so deep and becomes so painful because we spend so much time focusing on that regret rather than forgiving ourselves, learning from it, and moving on?

Over a year has passed and things are now better, yet this person was still upset thinking about their mistake in the past. I didn’t know what to say other than, “everyone else forgave the situation, maybe it’s time you forgave yourself?” When they replied with how they just can’t, I realized at that moment, they won’t be free from their anxiety and emotional turmoil until they can forgive the mistake.

Winston Churchill once said, “All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.” There is not a single person I know who can honestly say they have never made a mistake. Every child learning to walk makes a mistake in balance and falls a time or two, sometimes resulting in a big bump in the head. Now, I know mistakes can be much worse than a bump on the head or learning to walk. I know some mistakes are more serious than others. People can lose family or friends over mistakes, and some mistakes are hard to live with. Even if forgiveness from others is not possible, forgiveness from yourself is. One thing I have learned is life is a whole lot of learning. And part of learning is making mistakes. Just because we are 18 or older adults, doesn’t mean our education is over. Weather you decide to go to college or not, doesn’t mean you are not still learning things about life. Every day is an education filled with experiences.

Back to my friend’s experience, listening to this person torture themself, knowing nothing I can say can ease this person’s mind, I realized maybe sometimes, forgiving ourselves is harder than forgiving others. I can easily forgive a friend stepping on my toe by accident, where I just laugh and say, “That’s ok!” Yet, if I stub my own toe, I get mad as a hornet at myself! Maybe it’s part of having to take responsibility for our actions? Almost like a mental note of ‘I should know better than stubbing my toe on my own bed’ kind of thought. And, who likes to think they are not perfect flawless beings? What do you think the world would be like if we loved ourselves the way we loved others? Maybe that’s what it comes down to as well, loving ourselves and forgiving ourselves might be the key to real happiness and freedom? What do you think?

I think deep down, most of us realize we are human. We laugh, we cry, we love, we fight, we are happy at times, we hold on to who or what we love, and we are sad at times, and somehow in this big beautiful mess of life, we find ourselves in the midst of an incredible journey we didn’t even know we were on! And as we look back through our path behind us, we hardly recognize the person we were, or the person we are now because life changes us all. My past mistakes helped mold me into the woman I am today. I am not proud of my mistakes, I too regret things, but I now can see how they helped me be more sympathetic to others, and gave me strength to avoid my mistakes rather than keep repeating them. Anne Frank had a good message about people in general and potential. She said, “Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that you didn’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!” I feel this is very true. We all have these things, but if we hold on to the past mistakes, what potential are we ignoring inside ourselves? How can we accomplish good and great things if we are letting the past keep us down?

If you find yourself unable to forgive yourself, I challenge you to ask yourself why and is it worth it…still? We are all subject to mistakes, but we are also subject to an education of life. Learn from it, stand up tall and accept the good qualities about yourself. If you don’t know them, ask your friends or family and make a list to remind yourself. I have made this list for a friend before, anyone can do it. Just like my Aunt told me, how we handle life is up to us. We are the key. So, let the past stay where it goes, behind us. Time for the bright, new future at your feet, if you are only willing to let go of that past mistake and take that first new step of freedom from emotional anxiety in your new life and future ahead! I know it’s not easy, but I also know, we all can do it.